Ricky Neal at (nearly) 18

Okay, this will totally out me age-wise but here goes....Remember the television dramatic series, James at 15? cricket...cricket...cricket. Hmm, just as I suspected. James aired in 1977 and my parents wouldn't let me watch the show (One Tough Parent censorship!) but I remember browsing through my best-friend's sisters Tiger Beat magazine and noticing what a cutie Lance Kerwin was.

I haven't thought about that show since, well, probably 1978, but after a late-night conversation with my oldest son, Ricky Neal, I thought of that character. Ricky is making his way...figuring out who he is and which direction he wants to take once the high school graduation hoopla is over and done. And he's considering--seriously considering the United States Marines.

Oh, dear. Talk about a One Tough Mother learning curve!

I'm learning one tough mother can't dictate to their quickly approaching official adult status eighteen-year old son, "Uh, you certainly do not have permission to join the Corps! Now go to your room until I tell you it's safe to come out."

Nor can I write a letter to future Commanding Officers of the U. S. Marines requesting any future deployments of a Marine who just happened to spring from my womb to be somewhere nice and safe--say, right here in his hometown.

Nope.

This is a dramatic series to be played out in our home and family. This is Ricky Neal at (nearly) 18--desiring a life of nobility and leadership opportunities. And this is his One Tough Mother at 42--learning how to step up and be the mom by wisely and steadily learning how and when to let go. Far from easy, mind you, but nothing of lasting relational value ever is.

You Gotta Love It

Well, if any of you have even remotely wondered if your dear, sweet, adorable, toddler spawnling could be ma--manip--yes, manipulating you, take a peek at the laughter inducing video offered to your right. Click on the second screen (black and white image) and just watch this Oscar award winning performance. What a hoot! You shall "see" the truth and the truth will set you One Tough Mother free!

Disclaimer: I don't know what the heck the last video offered is supposed to be about. It's a strange one. I don't get to choose which videos accompany my Oscar nominated choice so just ignore the spawnling in the red devil suit. Weird.

Coming to a Radio Station Near You

I spent the better part of the morning recording multiple 60-second spots for your One Tough Mother listening pleasure. I'll post details and such as I gather them from the production team. If you happen to hear my voice over the airwaves or via cyber-communication, be sure to contact those responsible and let them know you enjoyed it and would love to hear more.

More than anything I'm holding out for one day hosting my own talk show. Be it television or radio--but I really like radio. Radio is personal and it doesn't matter one bit what I'm wearing nor what my current jean size might be. It doesn't matter to me and it doesn't matter to you--that's the best part. All you have to do is listen while you work or play or veg out over a long weekend. All you have to do is hear yourself in my stories and know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that you are not alone in any manner whatsoever.

So, dear blog-o reader.....if you're a visionary and/or broadcast producer looking to put together a kick-butt interactive talk-show format of refreshingly real and relevant material for 21st century women...CALL NOW (309-775-4331).

Here's to You!

Here's a shout-out to all those mothers doing the right things, saying the right things, and maintaining One Tough Mother non-negotiables...

You're Fabulous!
You're the Best!
You're making a difference!
You're...well, you're weary aren't you?
Yep, I thought so.

Saying "no" time and time again (even though you know you're right) can wear you down.

Choosing to show up in your child's life and maintaining "I'm the Mom" authority and leadership (even though you'd prefer to check out, sit yourself on the couch, grab a bag of Lay's Sour Creme and Onion, and turn over to 'Scott Baio's 45 & Single') can wear you down.

And going to bed each evening knowing you get to do it all again, well, as guilty as we may feel to admit, it can wear you down.

I don't really have any magic solutions to all the OTM reality but I will share this with you...

It's worth it and you're not the only mom worn out and ready to wave the white flag!
That's why we need one another. That's why we have this place to come to--24/7--to find a respite from the day-to-day monotony of being present. That's why I wrote One Tough Mother.

To encourage you to stay with it because twenty years down the road--you won't regret what you did right. (You may regret the disproportionate amount of white hair growing on your head but that's another issue--that's another blogsite.)

Twenty years from today you will look back on all those times you stood firm.

Twenty years from today your children will remember a smidgen of the words you spoke, but you, One Tough Mother, will never regret the infinite amount of love, actions, responsibility, and grace, your being present in their lives poured into their lives.

OTM vs The Tweenager

What should have taken about fifteen minutes tops turned into a four-hour chore for my twelve year old son...

Late last evening I stepped outside to put some pork chops on the grill when I noticed my husband pulling weeds out of a pile of pea gravel next to our sad little excuse for a garage. I noticed him and then noticed Patrick the Tweenager shooting hoops about three-feet from his working father.

"Hey, you!" I shouted, "Get over there and help your dad get those weeds out of there so we can move the gravel elsewhere."

Patrick the Tweenager stopped dribbling just long enough to toss a smirky grin my way and then flippantly replied, "Helllllo, Mom, I'm working on my lay-ups." Dribble, dribble, dribble.

Oh, no he didn't.

Heads up shout-out to all readers: This One Tough Mother doesn't "do" smirky and/or flippant. Let's just say he was pulling weeds pretty quickly after. But here's the deal, he wouldn't shut-up while doing so. It was "stupid" this and "Stupid Ricky (a/k/a his older brother) never does anything" that, and I heard myself say once, then twice, "Patrick, close your mouth and just do your job."

Sigh. He no understand One Tough Mother-ish.

So he spouted off one more time and I clearly dictated the following: "If you open your mouth one more time to say absolutely anything you will be hauling the gravel out from this spot over to the other side of the garage where your father and I want it--by yourself. One more word and Ricky won't be helping. One more word and you'll guarantee a two to three hour work day for yourself bright and early tomorrow."

He no even try to understand One Tough Mother-ish.

I believe the word, his last word, was "Ooooooo."

And so it went.

"Congratulations, you just succeeded in creating a mountain out of a mole hill and I shall be waking you up at 8:00 am to complete the remainder of this task." He sulked-- Tweenager style--to his room (i.e. slammed the back porch door, muttered incoherently, slammed his bedroom door, muttered incoherently) and I didn't see his sulky face for another nine hours. (Thank you, Jesus!)

Now, here's the moral of the story. The "Ripley's Believe it or Not" wrap-up, if you will. I awoke said Tweenager at 7:45 am the following morning. He got out of bed. Ate a bowl or two of cereal and then went outside and did the remainder of his work.

Sans complaint.
Sans arguing.
Sans snarky adolescence snit of attitude.

And while Patrick the Tween would never admit this aloud, I know it to be true: he knew exactly who he was dealing with--One Tough Mother--and decided it just wasn't worth the effort to go against her.

So too your children as you firmly step up and be the One Tough Mother your children need and your sanity requires.

It Works!

Just had this pop into my email Inbox a few minutes ago:

Julie, I just finished listening to your workshops from this year's Hearts at Home conference the other night. I was about to shave my head as I am the OTM of a 9, 5, 3, and 1 year old. But I calmed down and put on your CDs instead and knew I was alright because I am the Boss!

Who's One Tough Mother?

For the past ten years I've found myself writing to and speaking with tens of thousands of women (many of them moms) and time and time again I'm struck by their tales of feeling out of control and somewhat (!?) ineffective when it comes to dealing with precocious toddlers, headstrong preschoolers, increasingly mouthy grade-schoolers, junior high know-it-alls or hormonally challenged teenagers. Sometimes all five in one family!

(Note: Oh, dear. Let's bow our collective cyber heads and pray reeeaaaaal hard for these mothers. Come to think of it, let's offer two prayers because I know a lot of you offered up this little sincere ditty: "Thank God that's not me.")

These moms live and hash out real life as far away as Debrencen, Hungary; Beijing, China; Stevenage, London; and as close as Brunswick, MO, and Bushnell, IL. I have to tell you, they've all lamented, wailed, gnashed their teeth, and/or otherwise pleaded for a mothering lifeline. And a large percentage have simply wanted me to tell them why they shouldn't just pack up the spawnlings and ship them off to Life Camp; forgot that sorry "day" camp or "summer" camp stuff, these women are desperate!

Here's what I believe, you don't have to (nor were you ever meant to) go through your days, weeks, months, and before you know it, years feeling as though you're anything but confident and in charge as a mom. You don't have to feel your life is worthy of a British Nanny 911 feature film. (As if a single one-hour program could fix all your "issues"!) You don't have to sit around waiting for someone other than you to step up and take the lead.

It's not only possible for you to step up and take charge of your kids, it way past time to do so. That's where this web site and my writing/speaking/resources come in. See, as I've made my way through nearly two decades of my own children's developmental stages--infant, toddler, pre-school, adolescence, early young adulthood--I've figured out what can't be put off, undermined, or denied.

As a result of those twenty-years, I've discovered and become convinced of what is absolutely, positively, without apology necessary. I've become convinced of the "non-negotiables" every mom needs to implement in her life and that of her children.

It is possible to step up and be the mom!
It is possible to have a settled confidence as a mom.
It is possible to hold fast your ground and steadily create a self-assured and healthy authoritative presence in the life of your child.

And I'm going to help you do it! So be sure to regularly check back and chime in with comments, poll casting, and any questions you may have for this One Tough Mother.