OTM vs The Tweenager

What should have taken about fifteen minutes tops turned into a four-hour chore for my twelve year old son...

Late last evening I stepped outside to put some pork chops on the grill when I noticed my husband pulling weeds out of a pile of pea gravel next to our sad little excuse for a garage. I noticed him and then noticed Patrick the Tweenager shooting hoops about three-feet from his working father.

"Hey, you!" I shouted, "Get over there and help your dad get those weeds out of there so we can move the gravel elsewhere."

Patrick the Tweenager stopped dribbling just long enough to toss a smirky grin my way and then flippantly replied, "Helllllo, Mom, I'm working on my lay-ups." Dribble, dribble, dribble.

Oh, no he didn't.

Heads up shout-out to all readers: This One Tough Mother doesn't "do" smirky and/or flippant. Let's just say he was pulling weeds pretty quickly after. But here's the deal, he wouldn't shut-up while doing so. It was "stupid" this and "Stupid Ricky (a/k/a his older brother) never does anything" that, and I heard myself say once, then twice, "Patrick, close your mouth and just do your job."

Sigh. He no understand One Tough Mother-ish.

So he spouted off one more time and I clearly dictated the following: "If you open your mouth one more time to say absolutely anything you will be hauling the gravel out from this spot over to the other side of the garage where your father and I want it--by yourself. One more word and Ricky won't be helping. One more word and you'll guarantee a two to three hour work day for yourself bright and early tomorrow."

He no even try to understand One Tough Mother-ish.

I believe the word, his last word, was "Ooooooo."

And so it went.

"Congratulations, you just succeeded in creating a mountain out of a mole hill and I shall be waking you up at 8:00 am to complete the remainder of this task." He sulked-- Tweenager style--to his room (i.e. slammed the back porch door, muttered incoherently, slammed his bedroom door, muttered incoherently) and I didn't see his sulky face for another nine hours. (Thank you, Jesus!)

Now, here's the moral of the story. The "Ripley's Believe it or Not" wrap-up, if you will. I awoke said Tweenager at 7:45 am the following morning. He got out of bed. Ate a bowl or two of cereal and then went outside and did the remainder of his work.

Sans complaint.
Sans arguing.
Sans snarky adolescence snit of attitude.

And while Patrick the Tween would never admit this aloud, I know it to be true: he knew exactly who he was dealing with--One Tough Mother--and decided it just wasn't worth the effort to go against her.

So too your children as you firmly step up and be the One Tough Mother your children need and your sanity requires.

It Works!

Just had this pop into my email Inbox a few minutes ago:

Julie, I just finished listening to your workshops from this year's Hearts at Home conference the other night. I was about to shave my head as I am the OTM of a 9, 5, 3, and 1 year old. But I calmed down and put on your CDs instead and knew I was alright because I am the Boss!

Who's One Tough Mother?

For the past ten years I've found myself writing to and speaking with tens of thousands of women (many of them moms) and time and time again I'm struck by their tales of feeling out of control and somewhat (!?) ineffective when it comes to dealing with precocious toddlers, headstrong preschoolers, increasingly mouthy grade-schoolers, junior high know-it-alls or hormonally challenged teenagers. Sometimes all five in one family!

(Note: Oh, dear. Let's bow our collective cyber heads and pray reeeaaaaal hard for these mothers. Come to think of it, let's offer two prayers because I know a lot of you offered up this little sincere ditty: "Thank God that's not me.")

These moms live and hash out real life as far away as Debrencen, Hungary; Beijing, China; Stevenage, London; and as close as Brunswick, MO, and Bushnell, IL. I have to tell you, they've all lamented, wailed, gnashed their teeth, and/or otherwise pleaded for a mothering lifeline. And a large percentage have simply wanted me to tell them why they shouldn't just pack up the spawnlings and ship them off to Life Camp; forgot that sorry "day" camp or "summer" camp stuff, these women are desperate!

Here's what I believe, you don't have to (nor were you ever meant to) go through your days, weeks, months, and before you know it, years feeling as though you're anything but confident and in charge as a mom. You don't have to feel your life is worthy of a British Nanny 911 feature film. (As if a single one-hour program could fix all your "issues"!) You don't have to sit around waiting for someone other than you to step up and take the lead.

It's not only possible for you to step up and take charge of your kids, it way past time to do so. That's where this web site and my writing/speaking/resources come in. See, as I've made my way through nearly two decades of my own children's developmental stages--infant, toddler, pre-school, adolescence, early young adulthood--I've figured out what can't be put off, undermined, or denied.

As a result of those twenty-years, I've discovered and become convinced of what is absolutely, positively, without apology necessary. I've become convinced of the "non-negotiables" every mom needs to implement in her life and that of her children.

It is possible to step up and be the mom!
It is possible to have a settled confidence as a mom.
It is possible to hold fast your ground and steadily create a self-assured and healthy authoritative presence in the life of your child.

And I'm going to help you do it! So be sure to regularly check back and chime in with comments, poll casting, and any questions you may have for this One Tough Mother.

Let the Polling Begin

I thought it would be interesting and hopefully both a bit encouraging & challenging to see how "refreshingly real" moms answer the question posed today on One Tough Mother. Perhaps your answer changes according to the mood you're in or the status of your hormone levels (or lack thereof.) Maybe you'd answer one way for one child and another for the kiddo that just seems to have a gift for pushing every one of your pushover mom buttons.

Whatever the case may be click the one(s) most appropriate to your probable response or actual real mom experience. And while you're here, go ahead and post a comment letting us know how an actual OTM moment went with your child. Give us the good, the bad, and especially the One Tough Mother ugly! *smile* After all, it's all about coming clean with our missteps and pressing forward to become the firm, kind, but in-control "I'm the boss" moms we were meant to be.

They're Everywhere

This week you could tune in and watch them via The Today Show or Good Morning America--moms (oh, dads were part of the problem too but for the sake of our blogging perspective I'll keep it focused on the XX-chromosome parenting unit) who just don't quite know what to do with their rambunctious and oh-so-headstrong toddlers and preschoolers.

Grown women.
Educated women.
Working and at-home women.

Demographics or location meant nothing as I watched, listened to their lamenting and fairly willed myself to magically appear in their living rooms and kitchens shouting,
"You gotta be One Tough Mother!"

Methinks I shall have adequate material for years and years to come. Then again, if moms everywhere (and dads are welcome also) will only read and implement the SANE and SENSIBLE non-negotiable material I write and speak about in One Tough Mother, maybe it'll only be a few more months or years.

Welcome!

Hey, You! Nice to have you stop in here at my newest blogging endeavor...One Tough Mother. You'll see things are a bit new (i.e. still lots of work to do) but I know you're going to enjoy bookmarking this spot and checking in and out throughout your, well, your days, weeks, months, and years of taking on children and mothering.

You'll find updated news hits informing you of newsworthy One Tough Mother hi's-and-low's dealing with (or not as the case may be) spawnlings across the world. As well as additional thoughts and cheering-on from me, your favorite One Tough Mother.